How to Talk About Consent

Rachel Gordon

August 7, 2026

6 min read

Preparing children and young people for life after school ensures that they have the tools to navigate the world safely and with respect for others. This preparation is not limited to their academics or the knowledge they attain on a specific subject, it also includes guiding them on how to interact with others, build lasting relationships and to keep themselves and others safe. Sexual consent is an important topic for all ages, however it can feel difficult to facilitate these conversations with children and young people as it’s often deemed ‘too adult’ to discuss with them, however this couldn’t be further from the truth. Avoiding discussions about consent leaves children and young people uninformed and at risk of harm from threats they don’t even know how to recognise. Ensuring that children and young people understand consent from an early age helps to protect them, maintains their bodily autonomy and helps them better recognise unsafe situations and people. In this article we will outline what consent is, why conversations about consent are important and provide advice on how you can facilitate these conversations.

Section 74 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 defines consent as someone agreeing, by choice and having the freedom and capacity to make that choice. Thames Valley police defines sexual consent as where a person has the freedom to agree to sexual activity. Sex without consent is rape.

Discussions around consent can often overcomplicate it and suggest that it is a complex matter. However, the UK SAYS NO MORE campaign notes that there are no grey areas when it comes to consent. Consent means agreeing to what’s happening by choice and having the freedom and ability to make or change that choice. If that is not the case then consent has not been given and anything that occurs without consent is assault.

Remember:

If someone says ‘yes’ to an act or activity because they feared for their safety or the safety of someone else, they did not give consent.
Someone cannot give their consent when they are asleep, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, coerced or scared.
Consent can be withdrawn at any point.
If someone carries on after they have been asked to stop it is still rape or sexual assault even if consent was intially given.
Consenting to one thing does not automatically mean that someone has consented to anything else.
Silence or the absence of a ‘no’ does not guarantee that someone is consenting.
Someone living with a mental health problem, a learning disability or a head injury may not have the capacity to consent.
Individuals under the age of 13 cannot legally consent to any kind of sexual activity in the UK.

Navigating relationships can be complicated at any age however for children and young people, a lack of lived experiences, hormonal changes and age-appropriate immaturity can make it all the more confusing. When discussing consent it’s important to help them understand that it isn’t just about the law and what charges someone could face, it’s about respecting each other’s bodily autonomy and personal boundaries.

The rape culture pyramid is a model that shows how the tolerance of ‘low-level’ behaviours can lead to violent and severe behaviours. At the top of the pyramid are crimes such as rape, sexual assault and druggling and at the bottom of the pyramid are behaviours such as rape jokes, unwanted touch and excusing behaviour as ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘banter.’ The pyramid highlights how when behaviours go unchallenged, perpetrators are emboldened to become more violent and extreme. What begins as ‘boys being boys’ can develop into increasingly misogynistic and violent views that put people at serious risk of assault.

The behaviours at the top of the pyramid do not exist in a vacuum and can be linked to the justification of ‘lower’ behaviours. The ‘low-level’ behaviours that sit at the bottom of the pyramid are rooted in a lack of consent. Sexist views, objectification and rape jokes all seek to nonconsensually remove a person’s bodily automony and reduce them to mere objects. When this behaviour is normalised, jokes go unchallenged and dangerous beliefs are excused as ‘banter,’ disrespecting an individual’s consent is justificated and indirectly encouraged.

Subsequently, teaching children and young people about consent addresses behaviour at the bottom of the pyramid before it can escalate to the severe crimes at the top of the pyramid. Conversations about consent matter because they teach children that they have bodily autonomy that must be respected. This empowers them to advocate for themselves and for others when their consent is being disrespected.

Conversations about consent are important for children and young people as they:

Help them build healthy relationships
Encourage them to set personal boundaries
Enable them to identify harmful behaviour
Encourage them to respect the boundaries of others

Looking for More?

Talking to children and young people about consent can feel daunting but with the right tools it doesn’t have to. Our wide range of CPD Courses for Teaching and Education includes courses such as Harmful Sexual Behaviour in Schools which can give you the skills and knowledge to confidently support the children and young people in your setting.

Approaching the topic of consent can feel intimidating, especially as it is likely to facilitate conversations on other topics such as sexual assault and harrasment. If you are facilitating these conversations with young children this may not feel age-appropriate, however it is important to highlight how disrespecting someone’s consent is not only unacceptable but can lead to harmful and violent acts.

As mentioned above, behaviours that disrespect a person’s consent often sit at the bottom of the rape culture pyramid. When these behaviours are left unchallenged they can lead to severe violence. Therefore, the topic of consent must not be avoided and its far reaching consequences must be explored in a way that does not seek to scare children but does not shy away from the harm it can cause.

To talk to children about young people about consent you can follow these steps:

Clearly Define Consent

Children and young people must understand what consent actually is in order to understand its importance. Consent is a clear, voluntary and enthusiastic agreement to engage in an activity.

The language that you use to explain consent will likely change depending on the age of the people you are talking to. For example, with children you may choose to approach consent from the angle of bodily autonomy so as not to focus on the topic of sex before they are ready. Through this lens you could use more relatable examples to help them understand the concept of consent. For example, you could explain to young children that whilst a lot of people like to have a hug when they are greeted, not everyone wants to be hugged. If someone says that they don’t want a hug but they are hugged anyway, that person did not consent to that hug and their bodily autonomy was not respected. Framing consent in this way makes it more understandable for children and opens the door for further conversations as they get older.

For young people you may choose to use more direct language and discuss consent in relation to sex and sexual activities. It would be short-sighted to think that children and young people are totally unaware of sex or are not engaging in sexual activities. As such, you must be open to having direct and age-appropriate conversations with young people about consent in this manner.

Challenge Myths

There are many harmful myths surrounding consent that children and young people may pick up from TV, social media or the adults around them. If these misconceptions go unchallenged children and young people can end up with a warped perception of consent which may put them at risk of harm without realising.

Facts about consent that challenge common myths include:

- Responsibility for rape rests soley with the perpetrator.
- Dating, flirting, kissing, being friendly or intimate with someone does not automatically mean consent.
- Consenting in the past or being in a relationship does not mean consent is automatically given in the future.
- Being married or in a relationship does not mean automatic consent.
- When someone is asleep or unconscious they cannot give consent.
- Someone on drugs or too drunk to make decisions doesn’t have the mental capacity to give consent.
- Consent can be withdrawn at any time and once consent has been withdrawn any continuation of activity is a crime.
- If someone intially agress to have sex but later withdraws their consent and the other person continues anyway, that person will have committed rape.
- Someone’s attire does not indicate automatic consent.

Challenging myths about consent ensures that children and young people have an accurate understanding of what it is. It empowers them to challenge others and reiterates the importance of bodily autonomy.

Explain the Law

The goal of talking about consent with children and young people should not be to scare them, however, not respecting someone’s consent can have serious consequences that they should be made aware of.

Sex without consent is rape. Rape is a crime.

It might seem excessive to discuss rape in the same conversation as consent, however as the pyramid shows the normalisation of ‘low-level’ behaviours leads to incredibly violent behaviours. Moreover, when ignored consent is dismissed as ‘boys being boys’ or ‘just banter’ it diminishes the importance of consent, emboldening some to engage in increasingly violent behaviour. There is an undeniable pipeline between not respecting someone’s consent and criminal violence which must be highlighted to reinforce the importance of consent.

When discussing consent it is also important to discuss the age of consent in the UK. The legal age of consent in the UK is 16. This is designed to protect young people from being taken advantage of by adults, not to get young people in trouble for having sex with one another. Anyone under the age of 13 is legally considered a child; children have no capacity to give consent to any sexual activity.

As mentioned above the language that you use when discussing consent will likely change according to the age group that you are talking to. When talking to children, you may find that you only need to discuss sexual activities in passing and in order to make it clear that they cannot give consent to any kind of sexual activity. As such, you may decide to focus more on bodily autonomy than sex acts as that is more relatable to their day-to-day experiences.

Comparatively, when talking about consent with young people, you may find it necessary to discuss the legal age of consent in more detail as teenagers are more likely to engage in sexual activity. The prevalence of sexual activity among teens can make some feel pressured to do certain things in order to ‘fit in’ or because ‘everyone is doing it.’ Conversations around consent embolden young people to know that they should not be pressured into doing anything that they don’t want to and can help them recognise when they are at risk of harm. Moreover, it helps them to identify when they are being coerced and when someone around them, such as an older teen or adult, is attempting to do something illegal.

Give them Practical Tools

Discussions around consent should be backed up with practical tools and guidance on what children and young people can do in the real world. Conversations about consent in the classroom are very different to how the topic may come up in their everyday life. As such, providing children and young people with practical tools can help them speak up for themselves and ensure their consent is respected.

Teaching children and young people phrases that respect their consent and the consent of others ensures that they have the language to communicate when they are uncomfortable with something and to check in with others. These phrases may include:

‘I’m not comfortable with that.’
‘Stop, I don’t like that.’
‘Is this okay?’
‘Would you like a hug or a high five?’
‘We can stop anytime you want to.’
‘Do you want to keep going?’
‘Do you want me to stop?’
‘I don’t want a hug today.’
‘If you don’t want to, that’s okay.’

Practical tools also include guidance on who to turn to. If you are a teacher or work with children in a professional capacity you are likely to have a Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) and robust procedures in place to safeguard children. Children and young people should clearly know who in their setting they can turn to for advice or to talk to about any concerns. If you are a parent it is important to encourage your child to be open and honest and reassure them that they will not get in trouble for talking to you about consent.

Encourage Open Conversations

Creating a safe space encourages children and young people to ask questions without fear of judgement. It also ensures that you have someone trustworthy to turn to should something happen or they feel unsafe. Consent should be an ongoing conversation not one dedicated lesson a term or one awkward conversation around the family dining table. Making consent an ongoing conversation enables children and young people to recognise the different ways it can show up in their life and help them adapt to different situations, rather than having the idea that consent is a fixed notion that is only applicable in set situations.

To encourage open conversations:

Be approachable
Encourage curiosity
Practice active listening
Avoid lecturing
Use relatable examples

Consent is not always a straight forward ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and children and young people must be taught how to respect one another’s consent and set their own boundaries. Teaching children and young people about consent from an early age helps them to understand what a healthy relationship is. This helps to keep them safe and better recognise potentially harmful people and situations. Conversations around consent should be honest and open whilst exploring the real world harm that disrespecting someone’s consent can cause.